Category: Tips & Lessons

Build Rapport Not Report

10/3/2017

Hello there,

“It’s so great you’ve returned to our blog.”
“I see you’ve put effort into reading this blog. I appreciate it!”
“I can tell you want to learn more about building community. Leave a comment at the bottom of this post about your learning goals.”
“Curious as to why I’m using quotes?”

All of the above (except that last one!) are examples of active listening, the topic of this post!

Most youth enjoy talking about themselves once they feel comfortable enough doing so. When they see you after some time they are eager to share their recent adventures and tell about highlights in their lives.

I recognize some people have very different or opposing experiences. For some it can be difficult getting young people to talk about anything! One of the causes: a lack of rapport.

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Schools, Parents & Youth Address Bullying

9/25/2017

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Hi there,
Welcome back to the SCTF blog. I can’t believe it’s already been a week. Time flies but I’m glad you’re back!

I want to start by watching a video called To This Day. It’s a bit emotional -almost always makes me cry- but demonstrates poetically a topic we’ll discuss today. Grab some Kleenex, headphones if you need them and brace yourself.

Did you watch it? If so feel free to shut down your computer and go for a walk. Just make sure you come back to finish reading!

The topic of bullying has come up in conversation in all of the youth programs I’ve served. Bullying is an experience most people are familiar with, whether or not they’ve been involved or impacted personally. It’s important to note that both youth and adults experience bullying. However, research shows people who are victimized at an early age have lifelong impacts and I hope to explore them with you in this post. Some of these impacts are illustrated in the video.

Bullying takes many forms including but not limited to:

Intentionally excluding someone from a social group/event
Pushing, shoving or other physical harm
Damaging someone’s reputation or relationships
Spreading rumors or gossip
Giving dirty looks or using other aggressive body language

Bullying is different from youth managing conflict with each other. Unlike traditional conflict, being a victim of bullying can be traumatizing and come with serious consequences. This table shows some differences between the two nicely:

Conflict is typically innocent. It happens as a result of miscommunication or other accidental events. Bullying is a misuse of power and is intentional. A bully chooses to direct behaviors at someone.

We can’t mislabel bullying as conflict. I hear people say things like, “boys will be boys,” but the truth is boys will be boys until we teach them to be men. If we as a society ignore bullying and write it off as childish tiffs or conflict the problem will never be solved.

It’s not just boys who bully each other. The forms of bullying listed above can happen anywhere with anyone. Studies show boys are more likely to engage in physical aggression while girls are more likely to engage in less visible relational aggression but both genders participate and the impacts can be the same.

I don’t enjoy reviewing the research because it makes me feel sad however it’s important to back up my arguments with evidence. I know some of our readers very much enjoy numbers so click here for more facts like these, many of which are echoed in the To This Day video:

Kids who bully often go on to commit crimes
Kids who bully in their younger years often become more violent over time and often continue to bully others in adulthood
Compared to their peers, kids who are bullied are five times more likely to be depressed
Bullied boys are four times more likely to be suicidal; bullied girls are eight times more likely to be suicidal
Many youth skip school each day out of fear of what awaits them in school
Sometimes victims of bullying seek revenge on those who bullied them by using deadly force

Bullying is a powerful experience for both bullies and their victims that deserves the communities attention.

So what now? Now that I’ve adequately made you sad and dreary, what can we do as a community to make our schools, neighborhoods and homes safer for our children?
Bullying isn’t an issue we can face alone, just like we shouldn’t face bullies alone. It takes a community to come together and mobilize change. Here are some things parents, schools and youth can do while working towards a safer community.

For Schools

Accept the fact that bullying is present in your school
Determine the extent to which bullying exists in your school
Evaluate the physical environment of the school and eliminate potentially unsafe areas
Develop and implement a comprehensive violence prevention plan
Take all reports of bullying seriously
Define what behaviors are considered bullying and harassment and what the consequences for those behaviors are
Model the behaviors you expect from students
Meet with all school employees regarding policies on bullying and harassment

For Parents

Assist your child in building empathy for others
Help to develop your child's appreciation for those with differences
Help your child learn to control their anger
Help your child develop impulse control
Help your child develop his or her negotiation skills
Help your child learn how to recognize clues of the emotions others are feeling
Model appropriate behaviors
Use positive discipline strategies

For Youth
STAMP out bullying:

Stay away from bullies
Tell someone if you witness or are experiencing bullying
Avoid bad situations and unsupervised environments
Make friends and stick together. Join a club or afterschool program
Project confidence without appearing to challenge bullies. Look a bully directly in the eyes confidently, say nothing and walk away

What am I missing? Leave a comment and let us know your solutions for STAMPing out bullying. What’s worked in your school or with your child?

The Keeping Our Kids Safe Conference is Friday October 13th (professional development) from 9am-4pm in Foster Auditorium at Clark College and Saturday October 14th (parent and family workshops) from 10am-3pm in the same location. We will have many presenters focusing on things like:

Building community
Boosting resiliency
Suppressing gangs and violence
How to create a youth council
Youth Panel with youth in our programs
Working with gang affected youth

I hope you can make it to the conference. Free lunch will be provided as well as many opportunities to connect with your fellow community members. Register on our website and find a program of events at www.safecommunitiestaskforce.org/keeping-our-kids-safe-conference.

Sending my best,

Christopher Belisle at SCTF.

Research presented in this blog post comes from the OJJDP website at https://www.ojjdp.gov/search/SearchResults.asp?ti=11&si=30&p=topic.

For more help visit:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/youthviolence/bullyingresearch/index.html
VetoViolence
www.vetoviolence.cdc.gov
Federal Partners in Bullying Prevention
www.stopbullying.gov
Surgeon General’s Report on Youth Violence
www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/youthviolence/youvioreport.htm

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What to Expect at A Conference

9/19/2017

2 Comments

Hello there,

A lot is happening in the world of SCTF and I’m glad you’re back to hear about it! Coming in October is a free community event we host called the Keeping Our Kids Safe Conference. It’s an educational gathering with speakers, break-out groups, food and more. This conference is one of the most significant ways we educate and connect our community in Clark County.

Never attended a professional conference before? You’re in luck because today I want to eliminate as many barriers as I can and let you know what to expect. I dream of every seat in the auditorium filled so please share this post with your friends, family and colleagues!

Most conferences have you register in advance. Registration can sound daunting but it’s important for event organizers. It allows us to know how much food to provide, we can make fancy name tags in advance and helps us to send reminders before the event as well as resources after. If registration happens before the event- you can simply walk in, sign in and sit down. Registration nearly eliminates standing in line before finding your seat. Our registration is super easy and you can find the link to an online form at the end of this article.

After registering you’ll arrive the morning of, sign in and collect an agenda or program outlining the speakers and timeline of events. The program will tell you about the facility, whom is sponsoring/hosting the event and other helpful information. If you are attending on behalf of an organization you may need to hold on to this to bring back to your company for reimbursement of any expenses you accrue.

When you walk in you’ll notice a few things: usually they are in large buildings with tall ceilings. There’s often a flurry of movement and energy. For all the introverts: be prepared to have limited quiet time and multiple personal bubble invasions.

People attending professional conferences often come from diverse walks of life. Some choose to dress in their most fancy attire while others wear something nice yet comfortable. Some people will be wearing lanyards or badges representing their community/organization and others prefer to remain anonymous. Generally speaking, most people look nice and appear energetic or approachable. Pro-tip: you will both stand and sit for long stretches of time. Wear shoes that aren’t painful!

Conferences may feel isolating. People with excellent networking skills are attracted to these events but they are not the only people attending. You may think, “Wow, everybody knows each other and I’m the outsider,” but that isn’t true. Successful conferences bring people together from all parts of the community and it’s a great chance to introduce yourself to people outside of your circle. Find commonalities and share resources. Pro-tip: if you are representing a business or organization I’d recommend bringing business/contact cards that you can give away. There will be many opportunities to do so.

While conferences are excellent networking opportunities, it’s also perfectly acceptable to attend without speaking to anyone at all. Lots of people go purely to absorb information and opt-out of the social aspects. I like to say, “You do you,” meaning do what you’re comfortable with. Take healthy risks in putting yourself out there but ultimately look after your personal wellbeing and goals.

Browse the agenda after signing in and locating a seat. Note the timing of events, when you might want to step out and give yourself a quick break or use the restroom. Identify which presentations peak your interest the most and which ones you don’t mind missing. Pro-tip: always have a backup plan in case you get to the presentation of your choice and the room is full!

Conferences generally start with what’s called a keynote presentation. Keynotes are guest presenters of esteem or ranking in the larger community and are experts in the topic of the event. They give a longer motivational presentation to kick off the event and provide background on the overarching theme of the conference. Often times they also offer smaller presentations later on in breakout groups.

Breakout groups are common at conferences. After the keynote speaks and the host gives introductions, the entire audience will disperse in a giant mass of activity and head towards smaller, classroom sized rooms with guest presenters and workshops. At any given time during a conference, there could be multiple (3-6) workshops happening at once. Pro-tip: bring two notepads and three pens. You never want to run out of supplies in the middle of your favorite presentation!

Personal story: I recently attended a conference with multiple presentations happening at the same time. After my speaker began their presentation for our breakout group, the overhead intercom came on and the voice of the presenter from another room was accidentally broadcasting their entire speech to our group. My presenter had to talk OVER the intercom. I thus learned about cultural competency in prevention messaging + how to be an effective program manager at the same time. Needless to say it’s important you always have patience, give grace and expect the unexpected during huge events like this.

As you progress through the day it may be harder to remain energetic. These events are usually draining and presenters are aware of this. Having said that there is etiquette you should be aware of and follow as best you can in addition to the other pro-tips included in this post:

(Click the + buttons below to read more)

Tuck away & Silence Cell Phones

There have been lots of people at every conference I’ve attended who ignore this and scroll through Facebook in the middle of a workshop. Please lead by example. Browsing online is disrespectful to the presenter as well as to those around you. There will be plenty of breaks for you to use as you’d like.

Arrive on Time, Find a seat Quickly

Generally speaking once a session has started it is not appropriate to enter the room. Sometimes there’s a monitor and sign preventing the door from opening except to let participants out. This is because the rooms are small and it disrupts the presentations. If you are running late because the sandwich line or bathroom wait was longer than expected- that’s okay! Take the next 30-40 minutes and have a relaxing break to yourself. You’ve probably earned it.

Ask for the PowerPoint Slides

Many presenters will email electronic copies of their presentation materials after the event. Ask during the beginning before you start vigorously taking notes and save your hand from cramping! Not everyone will do this because of copyright concerns but making the request doesn’t hurt.

Bring Snacks

Although conferences often provide food, the lines are sometimes longer than the lunch period. Be prepared for having minimal time to grab additional snacks throughout the day by having a stash of your own. It’s commonly acceptable to eat during a presentation as long as you aren’t crunching loudly, dropping crumbs or handling loud wrappers. Be clean, eat quietly, but keep your body fueled.

Be respectful of Time

If you have a burning question that arises during a presentation- write it down and ask the question after the presentation is over. I’ve been a part of many audiences where one person uses the presenter’s expertise to troubleshoot their individual problems. It feels a bit uncomfortable for the other audience members. Presenters expect/hope to be approached afterwards with inquiries. Speaking afterwards allows everyone to maximize their time and as a bonus makes the presenter feel very validated that you enjoyed their work and want to learn more.

At the end of the day you can expect to feel sleepy, a lack of focus and you may think things like, “Wow! I don’t know how students survive!” You can also expect to be energized about your work or purpose in life, fueled with new ideas and ambitious project options and you can hope to find ways of incorporating what you learned into many areas of your life.

The Keeping Our Kids Safe Conference is Friday October 13th (professional development) from 9am-4pm in Foster Auditorium at Clark College and Saturday October 14th (parent and family workshops) from 10am-3pm in the same location. We will have many presenters focusing on things like:

Building community
Boosting resiliency
Suppressing gangs and violence
How to create a youth council
Youth Panel with youth in our programs
Working with gang affected youth

I hope you can make it to the conference. Free lunch will be provided as well as many opportunities to connect with your fellow community members. Register on our website at www.safecommunitiestaskforce.org/keeping-our-kids-safe-conference.

Sending my best,
Christopher Belisle at SCTF

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