Category: Tips & Lessons

Messages Many of Us Need to Hear

4/10/2018

Hello there,

It’s wonderful having you on our blog. The Safe Communities Task Force is forever grateful!

For no particular reason and in no special order I’ve written out a few messages many of us, if not all, need to hear from time to time. Consider borrowing one and offering it to someone close to you this week.

You have more power than you realize
Voices can be loud. Voices can be soft. Regardless, no one will hear it if you don’t speak up. Use your voice, for yourself or others
I believe in you! You can do it!
Every time you offer your heart to someone your capacity for love grows
I’m sending you all the wonderment I can muster
You’re allowed to be the example. You can be the first one to raise your hand and tell your story and you can be the first one to share your truth
You are not alone
I’m proud of you
You are valuable and important
Thank you
“Hey there, I’m thinking of you. Hope you are well.”
You are capable of great things
No one call tell you what you are or what you aren’t
You have unique gifts and incredible qualities someone, somewhere is meant to encounter and appreciate
I’m truly sorry
Your story is unfolding and if you’ve read great literature you know things can change in an instant, for the better. One page can redirect the entire story
Our actions have consequences others can feel
It’s possible to experience emotions without allowing them power over you
Caring for self is equally important as caring for others
It’s okay to feel _______ (afraid, hurt, upset, angry, sad). Acknowledge it, feel it and let it move through you
Pause and consider how far you’ve come, what you’ve faced. You’ve been through a lot
Flight, fight or freeze; your response is valid
You are forgiven, always

Thanks for stopping by! Share this with someone you believe may benefit from hearing these messages. Comment below with your favorite so I can start telling people that one more often.

Did you know? You’ll receive a free goodie bag if you share this blog post using the orange share buttons on the right of your screen!*

*This is not true.

Sending my best,
Christopher Belisle at SCTF

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Aligning Actions with Values

4/3/2018

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Hello there,

I’m glad you’re here! Thanks for visiting Safe Communities Task Force blog where we do a bit of talking, a bit of resource sharing, some light teaching and more!

I recently re-organized my desk (spring cleaning = SUCCESS!) and found a binder of notes from the WA State Government LEAN Transformation Conference I attended over a year ago. I’m grateful to my past self for taking detailed notes because now I get the honor of sharing them with you today.

One of my favorite workshops at the conference urged participants to align their actions with values. Workshops helping people grow both personally and professionally are my favorite so I took this one to heart and want to help you do the same.

Brett Cooper and Evans Kerrigan from Integris Performance Advisors instructed this workshop titled Embrace Your Power to Lead in October 2016. Aside from personal anecdotes or occasional rambling, all information in this post comes from my barely-legible scribble minutes/doodle-graphs and should be credited to Cooper and Kerrigan.

Cooper and Kerrigan emphasize leadership is not a title but a verb. It’s an observable set of skills and behaviors summarized in the Five Practices of Exemplary Leadership. Leaders will:

Model the way
Inspire a shared vision
Challenge the process
Enable others to act
Encourage the heart

In this post, I’ll share information about modeling the way. To model the way for others we must first look inward and find our voice. We do this by clarifying our personal values.

Let’s look at the list below. Review these values and note your top five. No pressure! You’re the only one who will know (for now) what you write down. Nobody is looking over your shoulder judging you so be honest with yourself (unless you’re reading this at a public venue, in which case I retract my statement). Think critically about what is important to you. Which ones speak to you the most? Which are you drawn to?

I want to honor the reality not everyone is as emphatic about this stuff as I am. If you’re having trouble choosing your top five I’ll make it easy on you and settle with selecting one value calling to you in this moment.

(Imagine gentle harmonic music playing in the background as you decide; the kind one might encounter upon walking into a fine art gallery or when first meeting someone who has fully realized their true potential at the age of fourteen).

Excellent! Now that you’ve chosen we’ll go one step further. Knowing your values is helpful. Clarifying what your values mean is transforming. If you chose “health,” notice the word means something different for everyone. I consider myself an extraordinarily healthy human after taking one bite of broccoli for instance, never mind a butterscotch pudding cup often follows it.

Spend a moment defining the value(s) you selected using your own words and experiences to guide you.

(Imagine peaceful woodwind music playing in the background as you define your value(s); the kind one might encounter passing a concert hall occupied with budding musicians, or while chatting with someone who somehow has their life together enough to meditate regularly).

If I were by your side I’d say something along the lines of, “Wow, those are beautiful definitions,” or “I can definitely see those being true for you. I love your values!”
Values constitute our personal bottom line. They help up distinguish best options, clarify which path may be helpful or harmful and inform both how we see the world and how the world sees us.

As leaders, it’s not a question of “Will I make a difference?” We should ask, “What difference will I make?”

How might you use your values to make a difference? In what ways can you employ them to your benefit?

A few thoughts:

Our values might change over time. They may shift in response to learning powerful information or even after a traumatic experience. Perhaps they alter after meeting someone inspiring or the perceived cost-benefit analysis of living by these values isn’t adding up. I encourage you to do this exercise more than once in anticipation of change.
If our values don’t change, how we define them will. The experiences or environments in which we are currently immersed shape our definitions.
We must communicate our values and definitions to others. There can be a room full of people who all share the same values yet without communicating what they mean they’ll never be on the same page. Their actions will be perceived to contradict their values and could cause conflict.
It’s possible to support the values of others without sharing them. We are capable of hosting values different from our own. We do this every day with our friends, family, coworkers and more. Once we share clear definitions of these people’s values we can find ways to lift them up.
A fun reminder: everyone wants to be treated as unique, talented individuals while also being treated exactly the same as everyone else. Knowing people’s values makes this a teeny bit easier.

This practice is titled Model the Way hoping that knowing their values, participants will set the example of value-driven leadership for others. You can’t control other people’s behavior. For this reason, you (yes, YOU!) are the most important leader in your organization. You have the power to change your own actions and model the way for your team.

I ask you now: Do your action align with your values?

I’m a big fan of reflection questions. Take another moment (I won’t make you imagine any music this time) and consider:

Which values are most alive for you today?
Which value gets most of your energy?
Which values are clearly visible to others? Which are not?
Which values deserve more energy/attention than they’re receiving currently?
How can you make small changes to honor your values?
Where can you find evidence of your values in action?
- Events you attend?
- How you react during the unexpected?
- Stories you share?
- The language you use?
- Measurements of success?
- Your rewards system?
- Rules you follow or enforce?

Keep your values in mind and make visible for others. Whenever you encounter a hard decision return to your values and see if they help clarify your choices. Acknowledge when others do something in alignment with your values.

What will you do in the next 30 days to better define and align your actions to your core values?

I never make readers do something I’m not willing to do myself. Below I share my values and value definitions as an example. Feel free to use this activity at your next team meeting or some version of it. Reintroduce yourself to your organization or community using your value statements. Ask people while networking about the values of their company or organization. Consider the values of your own organization and reflect on how your values align.

Christopher’s Core Values (in no particular order):

Family: Making sacrifices and space for people I love.
Communication: Limiting power distances and saving face. Being strategic and thoughtful when presenting information and ideas.
Empathy: Understanding and sharing emotions. Finding value in the experiences of others and offering support.
Happiness: Aiming for improvement, honoring my needs and wellbeing.
Recognition: Acknowledging people for their time and efforts. Taking moments to give praise, feeling appreciated and valued.

I’d love for you to share this post. As always, I appreciate you spending time on our blog. Feel free to comment below with your core values and their meanings!

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Sending my best,
Christopher Belisle at SCTF

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The Growth Mindset

1/30/2018

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Hello there,

Welcome back to the SCTF blog. I hope you enjoyed our previous post highlighting the YWCA Sexual Assault Prevention Program! One of my favorite parts of my job is networking with other programs and individuals committed to building safety in our community.

Today we’ll discuss the growth mindset. Below is a 10 minute Ted Talk video I encourage you to watch if you have time. If not, skip ahead and keep reading!

“Carol Dweck researches “growth mindset” — the idea that we can grow our brain's capacity to learn and to solve problems. In this talk, she describes two ways to think about a problem that’s slightly too hard for you to solve. Are you not smart enough to solve it … or have you just not solved it yet? A great introduction to this influential field.”

The word yet comes up a lot in our corner of the world. Young people consistently experience shame, guilt or frustration regarding the limits of their abilities. It’s written on our website, "...they may not be good at something YET, but they can be one day if they continue to make the effort." This message is consistently relayed during our work. We even have a team of supportive adults called Y.E.T. (Youth Engagement Team) who spread this message and implement other important work.

As the speaker in the Ted Talk mentions, the power of yet takes time and practice to harness. Dweck notes how schools celebrate good grades instead of good processes, effort or journeys. This harmful reward system is complemented by the influence of social media reinforcing the need for gratification now.

It’s important to encourage the growth mindset as early and often as possible.

The growth mindset refers to a set of attitudes and beliefs around the idea of yet. It means understanding:

Humans are meant to learn and grow
Time and effort lead to success and improvement
You are capable of more than you realize, if only you are able to harness your potential
In order to grow you must set well defined goals, envisioning where you want to be and comparing it with where you are now
Feedback is necessary for improvement
We are working towards something greater and every small thing you do counts
Process and effort are equally, if not more significant than outcomes
Mistakes are information
Challenges are opportunities for growth
“Rome wasn’t built in a day.” It takes time to make significant, powerful outcomes. Time, energy and lots of support.

Growing is a critical part of being human. Everyone has hopes, desires and dreams of things they wish they could achieve. Even the most impressive adults who seem like they’ve reached their highest form of being have things they work on and opportunities for growth. Knowing that growth is a universal human experience helps young people embrace the growth mindset.

So what can you do to work on your own growth mindset? I’m going to try something tricky here so stick with me…

Refer to my earlier blog post about defining your personal brand. Set aside time considering, brainstorming and imagining the person you want to be. What would you like to be able to do? What does the most impressive and awesome version of yourself look like in your mind? If you were capable of anything, what would it be?

Now target one of your answers; one aspect of your personal brand and develop a set of steps you can take to achieve that vision. Start small. The SCTF Coordinator, Josh Beaman, often reminds us to do one small thing every day that brings us closer to reaching our goals. It can be tiny and miniscule- the growth mindset takes any effort into consideration regardless of size. It all leads to something greater.

Analyze each day as it passes. Assess what you can do today to get where you want to be tomorrow. Consider what could have been done differently. Keep in mind some days you won’t do much- or maybe you won’t do anything! You still learn from not doing much or even from not doing anything.

Some days you will fail. If you redefine the meaning failure this setback won’t throw you off your game.

My last piece of advice is to let us know how it’s going! Sharing your growth with people you love in a supportive community helps keep us committed and on track. At our latest community meeting you heard Craig Blanchette say, “If you try alone you fail alone.”
You are not alone; you need not try alone.

Sending my best,

Christopher Belisle at SCTF

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Messages Many of Us Need to Hear

Bonus Content Feature:

Aligning Actions with Values

The Growth Mindset

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