Hello there,
All of the above (except that last one!) are examples of active listening, the topic of this post!
Most youth enjoy talking about themselves once they feel comfortable enough doing so. When they see you after some time they are eager to share their recent adventures and tell about highlights in their lives.
I recognize some people have very different or opposing experiences. For some it can be difficult getting young people to talk about anything! One of the causes: a lack of rapport.
- “It’s so great you’ve returned to our blog.”
- “I see you’ve put effort into reading this blog. I appreciate it!”
- “I can tell you want to learn more about building community. Leave a comment at the bottom of this post about your learning goals.”
- “Curious as to why I’m using quotes?”
All of the above (except that last one!) are examples of active listening, the topic of this post!
Most youth enjoy talking about themselves once they feel comfortable enough doing so. When they see you after some time they are eager to share their recent adventures and tell about highlights in their lives.
I recognize some people have very different or opposing experiences. For some it can be difficult getting young people to talk about anything! One of the causes: a lack of rapport.
| I first learned about building rapport in a college course where we studied the novel You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen, examining the connection between communication style and gender. One of the relevant discussions in the novel is the difference between rapport-talk and report-talk. Rapport (pronounced ruh-poor) describes the connection between people who understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate with each other effectively. |  |
It means being able to talk freely to each other about a wide variety of topics and at the end of the conversation both people feel satisfied with the interaction. Mutual trust and support is developed and participants seek to avoid social isolation.
Report-talk is exactly what it sounds like. Giving a report means sharing basic information in a concise and efficient manner. Report-talk involves little physical display of interest or emotion. It’s used to increase awareness and deliver accounts of events.
Report-talk is exactly what it sounds like. Giving a report means sharing basic information in a concise and efficient manner. Report-talk involves little physical display of interest or emotion. It’s used to increase awareness and deliver accounts of events.
Supportive adults must build a strong rapport with youth before making meaningful progress. This is true for teachers, social workers, coaches and even parents! Some argue parents naturally have rapport with their kids because of the nature of their relationship. I believe even if they have strong bond rapport still needs to be actively maintained and kept alive.
A powerful illustration of the subtle differences between rapport and report with youth is how parents on television ask their kids, “How was your day at school?” Most of the time on these shows the kids offer single word responses like, “Good,” that don’t reveal any information.
It may not seem like it but this is an example of report-talk. The parent may be saying “How was your day at school?” but the youth interprets this as, “Did anything happen today that I need to know about as your parent or guardian?” If nothing notable happened (skipping class, bad grades, getting detention or more) the youth says, “Good.”
When a strong rapport has been established the youth in this scenario would perceive the question to be legitimate. They would assume the adult was genuinely interested in how their day went and would offer a more detailed or thoughtful response.
How do we make the shift?
I believe a big part of switching from report to rapport is using active listening skills. There are a lot of strategies that help build rapport but in my experience active listening is the most effective.
Active listening involves things like offering direct eye contact, empathy, stopping what you’re doing to listen and having conversations in the appropriate environment free of interruptions. If you look at the infographic below I adapted a bunch of awesome information and work provided by The Maselli Group on active listening.
A powerful illustration of the subtle differences between rapport and report with youth is how parents on television ask their kids, “How was your day at school?” Most of the time on these shows the kids offer single word responses like, “Good,” that don’t reveal any information.
It may not seem like it but this is an example of report-talk. The parent may be saying “How was your day at school?” but the youth interprets this as, “Did anything happen today that I need to know about as your parent or guardian?” If nothing notable happened (skipping class, bad grades, getting detention or more) the youth says, “Good.”
When a strong rapport has been established the youth in this scenario would perceive the question to be legitimate. They would assume the adult was genuinely interested in how their day went and would offer a more detailed or thoughtful response.
How do we make the shift?
I believe a big part of switching from report to rapport is using active listening skills. There are a lot of strategies that help build rapport but in my experience active listening is the most effective.
Active listening involves things like offering direct eye contact, empathy, stopping what you’re doing to listen and having conversations in the appropriate environment free of interruptions. If you look at the infographic below I adapted a bunch of awesome information and work provided by The Maselli Group on active listening.
| Click to download this infographic on Active Listening |
People who are skilled at active listening turn off the television or background noise and use a comforting tone of voice. They listen, nod their heads, ask follow up questions, summarize the main points of what they heard and they validate. This kind of attention and concern helps build rapport and people thrive on it. It can be exhausting, time consuming and and hard to do at times but it is absolutely effective.
Active listening is always worth it.
Everyone wants and deserves quality attention from people they care about. People all crave connection and enjoy feeling heard. Youth need it as their bodies and minds are growing.
Active listening leads to understanding and leads to change.
Having rapport with an adult helps youth understand why things happen to them and be able to predict consequences in the future, explore why they act certain ways, stop negative thought patterns and learn to express their feelings appropriately.
Active listening leads to rapport.
There are benefits to report-talk that justify its use. No strategy fits every occasion. When building safety in a community and striving towards connection I believe we should always aim for rapport.
Sending my best,
Christopher Belisle at SCTF
Active listening is always worth it.
Everyone wants and deserves quality attention from people they care about. People all crave connection and enjoy feeling heard. Youth need it as their bodies and minds are growing.
Active listening leads to understanding and leads to change.
Having rapport with an adult helps youth understand why things happen to them and be able to predict consequences in the future, explore why they act certain ways, stop negative thought patterns and learn to express their feelings appropriately.
Active listening leads to rapport.
There are benefits to report-talk that justify its use. No strategy fits every occasion. When building safety in a community and striving towards connection I believe we should always aim for rapport.
Sending my best,
Christopher Belisle at SCTF
